i’m realizing this year, that i’m pretty crazy.

i know thats an unqualified statement that also qualifies as negative self-talk, but such things aside: I’m not very logical.

Here I am at a Christian college university. I really do love Jesus, i promise. I really do want to follow him and imitate him as well as I can. But I’m so negative about Christians so incredibly often. Its like I despise Christendom, but am a living breathing very real aspect of it. Its dumb of me. I don’t really like it. aaaand other people aren’t too fond of it either, I’m assuming.

Its like, post-Stuart, I don’t really have anything to hide any more. I don’t have something/one back home tearing me away from here. I don’t have someone to talk to every night on the phone and IM even more. I am fully here now. and I guess this summer I started hoping/dreaming/realizing that I had an opportunity this year to try so much more. To actually grow into whoever the heck I’ve been called to be. To grow up into Christ.  All these aspirations. And I’m realizing how incredibly short I fall again and again, even when I’m actually trying.

and then i get so caught up in being good enough that i forget about the whole love part of God.

thank you Jesus for Vintage Faith.  otherwise. i really don’t know where i’d gonna be.

whalalalalalalalla!

i dunno God.