i like jesus. he makes me smile

I am in love.

I am loved.

I feel it in the pit of my stomach, the disbelieving smile spread across my face as I roll my eyes and shake my head. The antsy leg movements. The dancing and singing as I play music so loudly while no one else is home.

This I know is true.

I am a beloved daughter of God. And his grace is more than enough for all that I do (and forget to do, too). And I am freed by Him, to not depend on all you people here on earth for approval and satisfaction. But I need you, to practice Love with. So we can support each other and grow up into His Kingdom.

Theres this boy that I know. and once Loved/enjoyed/liked ….. loved. and he still makes me happy. and we still click really well.

its funny though. because i go crazy if i get obsessive about a boy. and i start needing boy around at all times for reassurance and help and love and emotional stability. but when i have my Jesus with me. and my Jesus as “number 1″ or whatever cheesy saying you want to insert there, then i enjoy people a whole lot more (and boy too). I don’t know if that’s how its supposed to work. i thought i was supposed to be better with Jesus when i didn’t have boy around to distract me? so then i wonder if i’m projecting my love and being loved onto Jesus when I really am just dependent on someone here loving me. (not that theres love in the equation with boy right now) so i dunno. thoughts?

in other news. these are quotes from sojourners that make me happy.

God cares for the poor, so should I. God cares for the stranger, so should I. God cares for creation, so should I. God cares for the orphan, so should I. God cares for people who don’t vote like me, so should I. God cares…so should I.

It sounds so simple to seek first the Kingdom of God. I make it very complicated.

and

The world is looking for saints to pray with who have known the depths of weakness, because that’s where this world is. It doesn’t want light, fluffy spirituality. It wants to kneel next to the Jobs who have seen the face of God. And that’s what we as a Christian community can be for the hurting. Out pain and suffering are not some kind of spiritual liability. They’re how God positions us to bless others.”

This speaks to me in that I don’t have to be ashamed of my weakness–that God can use it to help others that are hurting. …  We can be so much more effective when we can pull from the depths of our souls the pains and trials we have suffered, and at the same time extend the hope that everyone deserves. We have a Savior to back us up.

and one more

I am trying to work on my own struggle to overcome my culturally acceptable addiction to wealth (often glossed over as “practicality” or “security”) with a theology of enough.

eesh. That is what i need to get better at doing. I’m not making any money this summer, except for Keola. And I’m not quite sure how that is going to work out for me. I feel really at peace about it, but i don’t know if that is laziness or just the way it is. I have a job in Spokane, itll bring me like 500 over the semester. i think i need another job, but i want to do World Relief too. I dunno. Money would be good for that. but i dunno. money. so gross. i want it not to be necessary. thatd be bomb. i don’t mind working.

LOVE is the answer. even when i’m not quite sure what the answer is. I feel like I have been out of the way of Love for a while now. And I don’t know why I’ve been so bitter and angry and notLove. but I want to be different. I want to Love these kids that come running into firm every day. i want to love my family. i want to love my friends (i praycried for a few of them today. i haven’t done that for a while). i want to grow up to be a Truth speaker in Love. I have disengaged from that, and a lot of other possible aspects of what i think my calling is. I need to press in. onward and upward!!

Love. love love love.

and not get distracted and caught up in whatever else there might be.

LOVE